If you’re here looking for a post that explains how I installed our bamboo floors or how we replaced a toilet bowl in our house, you’re going to be disappointed. Maybe some other time. What I’m about to tell you will save you years of time – I’m sure of it. These words of maternal wisdom are the result of years of careful research and experimentation. I can tell you with nearly absolute scientific certainty (margin of error +/- 68%) that, instead of delegating tasks, you should do it yourself, Mom.
Case in point: today, I asked my daughter to please put away the groceries. Included in these groceries was a brand new large bottle of soy sauce. You see where I’m going with this? I’m not entirely sure how, but somehow Jillian lost her grip on the soy sauce sometime during its journey to the safety of the kitchen cabinet. And gravity, being the immutable force that it is, took over. The bottle of soy sauce didn’t just break – it exploded when it hit the tile floor. Of course, it shattered into a zillion pieces right in front of the lazy susan cabinet in the corner of our WHITE kitchen thereby maximizing the disaster: it seeped under the cabinets, into the teeny spaces between the individual cabinets and soaked into the grout in between the tile floor. It stained the moulding under the cabinets and splashed onto the undersides of the toe space and the cabinet doors. Additionally, my daughter cut her toe on a piece of glass and the dogs tracked soy sauce throughout the house as we tried to hurry them away from the broken glass. In a Pavlovian response, dogs are instinctively drawn to the sound of any food item hitting the floor. (Not to digress, but dogs are completely the opposite of any cat I’ve met. Cats are all like “you’re gonna clean that shit up, right?” before they laugh and walk away.)
Here’s my scientific time analysis:
Time It Would Have Taken Me To Put The Groceries Away Myself: 15 minutes, max.
Time It Took Me To Clean Up The Kitchen After The Soy Sauce Incident: 90 minutes (not including the hours during which the kitchen smelled like our local Wasabi Wok, minus the fortune cookies.)
Time That Could Have Been Saved If I Had Just Done It Myself: 75 minutes, also, the $3.79 in soy sauce and $4.67 in paper towels.
Do you see what I’m saying?
Some of you are going to tell me I should teach my children responsibility, give them the freedom to make mistakes…blah, blah, blah. My kids are going to have to learn responsibility on someone else’s watch. I’m doing everything myself.
That’ll teach them.
Make me feel better – what is it just easier to do yourself instead of asking the kids (or maybe even the husband) to do?